Change.
It’s a word that scares the shit out of me. I can freely admit that I do not do well with change..... at all. I am starting to reluctantly admit that I might be a bit of a control freak. I try and describe myself as laid back and easy going, but it turns out only when things are going according to plan.
Take my job for example, I had been in it for a year and was really starting to feel confident in my role. (I love my job and the people I work with, I think they truly are some of the best people in the Public Service.) I came into work one day and my boss lets me know she has taken a new role and is moving on. In my head I am saying “Um what? You can’t leave!!! I just figured out how everything works here!!!!”, what I actually said was something along the lines of “Congratulations, I am thrilled for you” and then I started crying......in her office.....SUPER professional. I was out of whack for a solid month while they figured out who was going to replace her, what my role was going to be etc.
I have noticed that I have allowed that one change to totally throw everything else out of whack in my life, my sleep is affected, my healthy eating has virtually gone out the window, my house chores were starting to get away from me and in general I have been a little on the bitchy side (my apologies to my people).
So here we are a month later and low and behold the new boss is fantastic, turns out I still know how to do my job and I wasted the last month being a big baby.
Why do I let this kind of stuff have such a negative effect on my life?
The people closest to me often tease me about being a control freak, I am surrounded by people who like to wing it – drives me batty!!!! I need to know where we are going, who is going to be there and what time. And for the record, when someone in the family needs something done or organized guess who they come to??
I rarely drink, not because I have anything against it but because I hate the feeling of being drunk and out of control. What if someone needs something or I need to get somewhere?? I was almost always the DD on our big nights out to the bar in my early 20’s. It was a lot like herding cats when it was time to round everyone up and head home but I knew I would eventually get home. I spend more time than I care to admit worrying about other people and things that are beyond my control. Many, many......many sleepless nights and for what? I once watched a co-worker struggle to open a packet of tea at a conference, and before I knew what I was doing I actually reached over, grabbed it and opened it for him and handed it back!!! WHO DOES THAT??
Admitting you have a problem is the first step right?
Hello my name is Seanna and I am a control freak.
Lots of love to you all, xoxo
