She's slipping away, slowly. Too slowly. Her pain and fear breaks my heart. The nurses and staff are doing everything they can to make her comfortable. I hope her relief comes soon. I've been sitting here talking to ghosts like a crazy person, asking my aunt and grandfather to come get her, take her with them to the next place.
She was a feisty woman and she had a hard life, full of loss and struggle. She wasn't necessarily the best mother but she did the best she could with what she knew. She had a quick tongue and at times it was sharp but she loved us all. Where she fell short as a mother she made up for in leaps and bounds as a grandmother and great grandmother.
Dementia has been stealing her from us for years but her spirit remained strong. The last year has by far been the hardest, but she was always happy to see us, even if she was pretending to know who we were.
I can't think of a moment of my childhood that wasn't touched by this woman. She taught me to bake, to knit, to can, to type. There are memories of rving, cross country skiing, hiking in the back woods behind their house in Cranbrook, searching for wild strawberries and huckleberries , watching Wheel of Fortune in the hot tub while Robbie drank the hot tub water through his licorice straw (so gross). Christmas wasn't Christmas until Grandma, Grandpa and Sharon rolled up with the truck full of goodies, card games and gifts. Hours upon hours of card games, laughter, Gran's shortbread and tarts. It seems almost fitting that she is going to find peace for Christmas this year and I find comfort in that.
Memories have been rushing back all weekend, I can still smell the house and her perfume (Chanel #5), and hear her humming and whispering "there, there" whenever she comforted me. She made each one of us feel special and loved. We each have our own special moments and memories over the years. As a great grandmother she was amazing, she LOVED our babies and they loved her. She was the original baby whisperer.
I've spent countless hours with labouring women, waiting for a new life to make its way into the world and now I sit, waiting for a life to leave this world. Her mind is gone, her body will leave us soon but her memory will stay with me for the rest of my life.
I love you Gran, to the moon and back.
