Christmas Spirit

When I was a kid the Christmas Spirit was always tied to the arrival of my grandparents and my aunt Sharon. They would roll up a few days before Christmas, the truck loaded with home baked goodies, gifts, and dogs. The house would soon be full of laughing, arguing, barking dogs and the smell of Old Spice and spearmint gum. Sharon would be knitting or reading in a corner, Grandpa watching his sports and Gran puttering. Evenings were spent playing endless hours of cards.

We lost Grandpa and Sharon in 2003 and then at Christmastime last year, we lost Gran. I spent that whole weekend with her, watching her slip away with Christmas carols playing quietly in the background. It was heartbreaking and beautiful all at the same time.

This year for the first time in what feels like forever my sister Sarah is home for Christmas with her family. They came in last night after cancelled flights and an impossibly long day of travel with 2 kids under 2 in tow yet somehow still smiling, still laughing and with them they brought my Christmas Spirit.

There will be new traditions this year while we honor the old traditions. Grandpa, Sharon and Gran will be in our hearts and never far from our minds as we celebrate our amazing patchwork family with great food, good wine (lots and lots of wine), laughter, and love.

And just like that - she's 18.

Somehow when I blinked,18 years flew by and now my baby girl is all grown up.

Having your child turn 18, graduate high school, be old enough to vote and so on and so on is very surreal.  It’s insane how fast 18 years goes by. It truly feels like she was a little girl not that long ago. Even more surreal is that fact that this stunningly beautiful creature came from me..... I made this person.  I have made a lot of mistakes and questionable choices in my life but I hit it out of the park with this kid.

Ashley has always been very much her own person. She never got caught up in trends, peer pressure was never an issue and we avoided almost all of the teenage mean girls drama that goes on.  She doesn’t do small talk, she doesn’t try and “fit in”.  She does what she wants to do, and no amount of begging, pleading, bargaining, yelling, bullying or bribery will get her to do something she doesn’t want to. Trust me on this, I have tried. For 18 years. She has had an iron will from the moment she was born.

There is something so special about her but only a very select few get a peek into that side of her.  When Ash was a baby people would stop to coo at her or make funny faces and she would immediately scowl and turn away, when she started to talk she would say “don’t look at me!”. I would shrug my shoulders in an attempt to apologize.  She never really grew out of that, those of us that know and love her, know the look all too well. She tends to sit back and take it all in, the quiet observer. She doesn’t say much but she misses nothing.

She is smart, and wickedly funny, loving and kind, silly yet incredibly serious at times.  We often joke that she is 18 going on 80.  She is more mature than I am most of the time, and far more organized.  Her love of animals and her passion for horses is truly amazing. She does all the animal care without nagging or nudging from me, she drives it completely. I would like to say I could take some credit for the incredible person she has become but the truth is, she requires very little parenting from me.

You are one of the most amazing human beings I have ever known. You made me a mom and I will forever be your biggest fan.

Happy 18^th Birthday!!!

I love you to the moon and back.