Hello Fall - Goodbye Hot Flashes

I am probably overdue for an update so here we go. I am entering my third season here in the Cariboo and so far, this is probably my favorite one. I have always loved the fall, mostly because I am so relieved to not be battling the hot flashes (menopause for a chubby girl in the summer is no joke). The fall colors here do not disappoint, and I am enjoying watching the world change around me. I am somewhat nervous about what winter holds but I think I am ready. I have my truck, my emergency kit, snow tires and hopefully enough outerwear to stop me from freezing to death. I have plans to try snowshoeing, ice fishing and binge-watching Netflix while I snuggle with the cats by the fire.

I am starting to actually wrap my head around the work that we are doing at site, I can keep up in the meetings and know what most of the acronyms means, I haven’t fallen on my face lately nor have I been stuck in the mud. I am getting VERY sick of the site safety orientation video and I am pretty sure I can recite it verbatim now.  I did have an unfortunate incident getting my oil changed – when they asked me to pop the hood I was at a complete loss as I didn’t have a clue where the hood release was located (thanks Ram for hiding it so well, and I apologize to women everywhere for being such a stereo type). I have met some pretty amazing people at work who make me laugh until it hurts almost on a daily basis, they eat my cooking without complaint (most of them), and I have a group of guys who have my back and are quick to help with whatever I need. It is kind of like having 6 big brothers around you at all times – they never miss an opportunity to tease me but when push comes to shove, I know they would do anything for me.

I have decided that I want to make Quesnel home on a permanent basis. I feel more at home here in 7 months than I did for the last several years on the island which is bizarre because on the island I have the most incredible network of family and friends. My kids are there, my family is there and the 4 best friends anyone could ever ask for. I don’t know how to articulate it properly but for a long time I have felt like I was in a supporting role, helping my kids become successful adults, the sister wife to my friends families, tagging along in other peoples adventures and stories and now this feels like the start of my story, and my adventure. A chance to define myself, stand on my own two feet and see what lies ahead. I know this job won’t go on forever and who know where it will take me, but I want this little piece of heaven to be my home base. Now let’s hope the mortgage Gods are on my side!

With this decision comes some pretty heavy guilt that I am working my way through right now but I am hopeful that my people know how much I love them and that my kids will understand I am always only a text, a phone call or an e-transfer away. More than anything I want my kids to unapologetically find their own paths while they are in their 20’s and not in their late 40’s.

Thanksgiving is coming up soon, it has always been my favorite holiday, all the food, wine and good company of Christmas with none of the stress. We will be working for Thanksgiving so I will be making dinner for the guys at my place (outdoors of course – thank you Covid). Being in a small town with lots of farms I thought I would try and procure a fresh local turkey for dinner. I reached out to my new (and fucking fantastic) friend Willow to see if she knew of anyone selling them. Willow of course came through and sent me a message to let me know she found me a bird, only $65 bucks!! Great news and sounds like a steal to me – where else can you get a free range, happy turkey for that cheap?! Well there is one small catch…. Big Red is still alive. Willow is generously boarding Big Red at her farm for me until the big day. The plan is for me to learn the process from start to finish. My mom wants to start a “Save Big Red” campaign, and the guys are likely betting on whether or not I will be serving Tofurkey for dinner while my new pet turkey runs around the yard. I wonder what the board is on a turkey, it has to be cheaper than a horse. Stay tuned for how that all plays out.

Love you all, stay safe and be nice to each other.

xo

Seanna

What's a Honey Wagon?

Well I have been here for just over 3 months. I really thought I would be blogging up a storm, but the truth is I have struggled to get things down in writing. So much has happened in the last few months that it is hard to articulate what the experience has been like so here goes, I apologize for any rambling and run on sentences.

I quit my very secure government job (with benefits and a pension).  I gave up my beautiful suite in Victoria and secured a room to sleep in when I come home to Victoria on my days off (that didn’t quite pan out, thanks Covid-19, more on that later). Sold pretty much everything I own, essentially evicting my 18 year old son and then squeeze what I can into my Kia Forte and head out to a town I’ve never been and know no one, to work as a contractor at a job I know less than NOTHING about. 

What can go wrong? Seems like a perfectly rational thing to do at 45 years of age.

I left for Quesnel at the beginning of March, one of my nearest and dearest friends joined me for the road trip. The 7-hour drive flew by thanks to the perfect weather, some pretty awesome tunes from the 70’s, the incredible scenery and the great company.

We arrived at the place I had rented and were greeted by Dot, landlady extraordinaire. She had a welcome basket full of local goodies for me, gave us the quick and dirty lowdown on the suite and then left us to settle in. To say I was pleased with the place was an understatement. It was and is the cutest little place I have lived in (and the place I just moved out of was great). It has everything I could possibly need and is loaded with charm. It is just rural enough to be peaceful but still only 10 minutes from town and 10 minutes from my work site. Bonus – Dot lived right next door and has a dog. ** Dot has since moved across town to their other property and Burt has been replaced by the Assistant Chief Inspector from site who refuses to come over and lay at my feet while I read. Jerk. **

Quesnel was cold when I got here, full on winter, but don’t worry, it’s a dry cold……

I spent the weekend getting settled in, Jenn and I explored Quesnel a little bit and then it was time for her to fly home. There were some tears shed when I dropped her off at the airport, lots of them.

All in all, I was comfortable, I loved my place, I loved the town so far and was very optimistic about what lay ahead.

Silly girl.

5 days later, Covid-19 was a pandemic and the town essentially shut down. Thanks universe and fuck you too. Relocating to a town you have never been to right smack in the middle of a pandemic is not something I would recommend.

When I left Victoria and said goodbye to my peeps, it wasn’t a huge deal because I was going to be home again in a month. Well a month turned into almost 3 months, my flights were cancelled, the Quesnel airport closed and everyone I knew was quarantined. My first set of 8 days off arrived and I was DEPRESSED. Anxious about how I was going to kill 8 days all alone, with nowhere to go and no one to see. Turns out, nothing to be anxious about. I LOVE living alone.

Like really love it. The house stays clean after I clean it, and when I go to work in the morning, it is in the same condition I left it in when I get home. Want to binge watch 35 episodes of a show on Netflix without judgement or guilt? Go for it, no one cares.  Eat cereal for dinner? Have at ‘er. No one is asking what’s for dinner. 

I have never lived alone before this and if I have one piece of advice for you, it is this – live alone at least once in your life.

Burt became my best friend and would come hang out most nights after work until bedtime. He is excellent company. Everything is better with a dog. Period.

Ok well I guess we should talk about the job since it is the reason I am here. There may have been some growing pains. Anyone who tries to tell you there isn’t any crying in construction is lying to you. There was plenty of crying. For a few weeks I was pretty sure I had made a terrible mistake and would never, ever be up to speed. I don’t think I am fully up to speed yet, but the crying has stopped so that’s a bonus. Despite the rough and muddy start, I am really enjoying the job. It is always interesting, I am learning every day and just when I think I have things figured out, something new pops up and I am reminded that the guys I am working with have forgotten more about this work than I will ever learn. They are all amazing, and although picking on me seems to be very popular, they are so patient with me and the days fly by.

Lessons learned the hard way include but are not limited to:

• You must look what you are stepping down onto when getting out a vehicle when it is still winter. I was slow to learn that lesson and landed on my ass more then once.  Not the west coast here and there is a good chance you are going to step out onto a patch of ice. One of those graceful falls did result in me getting upgraded to the best hotel room available in Prince George, so it really wasn’t all bad. I mean come on, who doesn't want a night in PG's finest hotel room?
• When driving through socked in fog at 5:30am – turn off your high beams.
• When the temperature rises to 0 degrees there is a good chance the frozen ground at site has become mud. Don’t drive into it and try and back up. Your Kia Forte cannot handle it. They now call me Mud Bog at work. I also no longer drive a Kia Forte. There may have been crying.
• Learning a new job is hard as fuck at 45 years of age. Construction is like trying to learn a new language. With mud, lots and lots of mud.
• Always take the tags off your work boots before showing up at site with them. Maybe rub some dirt on them as well.
• Mealtime on site is serious business. No tuna sandwiches here. Be prepared to really step up your game when it comes to meals.
• Having a close friend become your boss is a tough transition. Really tough. More crying involved here.
• When the job description only has 4 bullets and one of them is “assist Site Chief”, seek clarity on what that entails. Maybe negotiate the “cleaning out the site fridge” clause.
• There is a lot of swearing. You can tell your boss to go fuck himself and not get fired. So far, I am still employed.
• People that work in construction are one of two things; insanely brilliant or they are so far from brilliant that you become very concerned that they are allowed to operate heavy equipment. There doesn’t seem to be much of an in between.
• A honey wagon is not even close to as pleasant as it sounds. Google it. Barf.
• The rumor that guys use the women’s bathroom to poop seems to be true.

Covid restrictions are starting to ease up a bit, I have been able to get out and explore the town and its community and so far, the people I have met are lovely and welcoming. I am looking forward to having my friends and family come see me this summer and exploring the area even more.  I love the small-town feel, and the small-town perks, like pulling into the Purolator parking lot and the lovely woman that works there already has my parcel her hands because she recognizes my car. That might be less small town and more online shopping addiction but whatever, I am pretending it is a small-town thing.

I am very popular with the Quesnel RCMP. They have flagged me down twice now. Really friendly guys. Here is another lesson for you; cruise control is your friend on Hwy 97.

I miss my people, some days so much I ache but I am also really enjoying hanging out with myself. I have struggled with how to put this into words without hurting anyone’s feelings, so I am just going to do my best and apologize in advance if it doesn’t come out quite right.

I am a nurturer; I thrive on taking care of people. I don’t do much without thinking about someone else first, how my actions could impact them, what if I upset them or disappoint them blah blah blah. I have some huge guilt over leaving my kids (my adult kids) and feel “selfish” taking this job BUT I am learning to acknowledge those feelings, then let them go. The hardest days for me are when someone I love is hurting and I am too far away to do anything about it. That helpless feeling is awful.

 This was the right move for me. My insomnia is pretty much gone, I have been devouring books for the first time in years. My mind is quieter. My anxiety is almost non-existent. I miss my family and my besties every single day, but the beauty of my relationships is that they transcend distance and time.  For the most part I feel grounded and content. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t all sunshine and roses and I absolutely have bad days, but I don’t have that same restless, unsettled feeling that has been gnawing at me for the last few years. I feel like I can hear my own voice. I am comfortable in the quiet.  It doesn’t mean I love anyone any less, it just means I am starting to love me.

A huge thank you to all of you that have supported and loved me unconditionally through this transition. I truly have the best people in my corner.

Love you all to the moon and back.

xo

Seanna

    

First Days

First days 

This week was my first time in Calgary. It has confirmed that I have the absolute WORST sense of direction. Ever. It’s a miracle I’ve never been reported missing. 

Calgary has this skywalk called the +15 that connects the downtown core through a series of overhead walkways so you never actually have to go outside into the cold. It’s almost surreal. All these people rushing in all directions, along the way there are shops, cafes, restaurants and dentists. A high concentration of dentists.  Thankfully I had a guide, because I’m fairly certain that without the guide, I would still be aimlessly around wandering the +15.

When people say it’s a dry cold they should really emphasize the dry part. Honestly they should just say it’s dry with a bit of a chill. My skin is dry, my sinuses are dry, my lips are dry and my poor, spoiled west coast throat has just simply said well fuck this and has quit working completely. I started to lose my voice on the 2nd day and woke up this morning with no voice at all. Perfect for the training I had to do this morning via Skype. The guy actually said “good night last night?”. 

Let me tell you that when you sound like a squeaking mouse in the middle of pandemic hysteria people sure look at you suspiciously. I was almost positive the Uber driver was going to ask me to get out of his car. I assured him I feel great, just a west coaster out of her element. 

Another immediate observation is the shocking difference between government offices and those of the private sector. Wow. Fancy digs. The swag wasn’t a pen or a lanyard, it was a Yeti travel mug. I could get used to this. 

Monday morning was all the usual first day stuff, access cards, pick up laptop, get logged in, download software and so on. For me it was easy as pie. Within minutes I’m up and running! Then I look around at the other members of our team... less success. No one is up and running. After 4 hours of calls to the service desk, me going from laptop to laptop helping where I can, a few trips down to the tech support guys and a lot of swearing the majority of the crew is functional and we can finally get down to the project overview. These guys are experts in their fields. Computers are not their field at all but that’s ok, I can worry about the tech shit and they can focus on making sure that our sites stay safe. 

This is the boys club. For the last 3 days I have been the only woman in the room. It hasn’t been a negative experience at all, so far it’s actually much better than anticipated. The group is funny, friendly, welcoming and smart, really smart. The project overview was a lot of information for my little brain. The scope of the project is mind boggling. The responsibility of these guys is almost hard to wrap your head around. 

I made a lot of notes, I have a lot of questions but I can also already see where I fit, where my skills can be put to use and where there are opportunities for me. The subject matter may be foreign to me but I can learn it as I go. I am finding myself afraid to ask questions in front of the group. I almost asked what a honey wagon was.... thankfully I put that one together all by myself before saying it out loud. 

A former coworker and friend of mine recently relocated to Calgary and she was sweet enough to make the time to come meet me for dinner the other night (and some much needed girl talk!). She bravely made the move to a new city and is thriving. It was the exact reassurance I needed. 

I miss my ladies already. My queens from work and my besties/soul mates who keep me grounded, sane and who make sure I always feel loved. It’s been 3 days and I’m already feeling that void. I’m going to have to learn to love FaceTime. 

My kids seem to have barely noticed I left town. Also a good thing. That’s how it’s supposed to be, right? If you’ve done your job as a parent well then your kids grow up to be strong, independent adults who don’t need to run to their mommy every 4 hours. (Unrelated fact, I asked my mommy and daddy to pick me up from the airport so we can catch up.) 

Today the crew had a safety summit to attend and I stayed behind to get some of work done in the office which meant I had to find my way to the office solo and then find my way to the airport solo. 45 years old and I have essentially ZERO experience navigating a new city solo. (Note to self: change this immediately!) I made it to the office, and on the way I found the perfect vanilla latte. I found the private office I was loaned for the day, I took myself out to lunch and spent an hour people watching while I ate delicious Pho. At the end of the day I made my way to airport to meet my boss. When I finally got through security he was waiting for me at Chili’s with a margarita. Yes please! 

The next few weeks will be insane as we gear up to our mobilization date (check me out using the lingo) and the time is going to fly by!

I cannot thank you enough for all the love and support as I dive head first into this. It is truly motivating. 

Love you all to the moon and back. 

xoxo

Seanna 

Tomorrow is the First Day of the Rest of My Life

Today is my last day working for the Province of BC. My last day of sick days, extended health and dental benefits, my growing pension and more importantly, my last day working with some of the most amazing people that the BC Public Service has to offer.

I am sure to many this shift from the secure and safe government job to being self employed as a contractor, hoping that one contract leads to another is pure insanity. I am downsizing pretty much everything I own in order to simplify my life and temporarily locating myself in a town I have never set foot in.

I am leaving my kids, my family, my amazing tribe of friends and going to work in a place where I don’t know a single person. Someone I admire very much told me that would be just fine and that I could "make friends with a lamp post". Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

This is by far the riskiest thing I have ever done. I am absolutely a “risk averse” person. I follow the well beaten path, I don’t even jaywalk, I don’t break the rules or the laws. I try to always do what is expected of me (or what my mind tells me is expected of me) and I ALWAYS make sure that I don’t make a move without first assessing what the impact of my decision on my people will be. I love my people fiercely, and when I think about how much I will miss everyone it physically takes my breath away.

BUT

For years there has been this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can’t shake. This pull to make a change, a drastic change. Every time I drive through a small town, I wonder what it would be like to live there. What would it be like to pack up and start over fresh somewhere new, reinvent myself? As time goes on the feeling gets stronger and stronger. I have watched job postings for the right opportunity, I have been waiting for the right time.

This past fall someone joked about me being a professional sister-wife, it came from a place of love, but it got me thinking about my role in their stories and how it is time that I go off and create my own story. I have the most amazing tribe of friends, I know everyone says that but truly, my people are the very best of the best. Their homes feel like my home, I love their children as much as I love my own and their partners always make me feel welcome in their lives. These relationships will transcend any distance and no matter how much time we spend apart, we will always pick up right where we left off.

My kids are grown, they are thriving in their own lives and they are incredibly self-sufficient, they are ready for me to cut the cord and let them start to carve out their own paths. I cannot even begin to express how proud I am of all my kids. They make the world a better place, simply by existing.

In late November an offer came in from a friend that was too good to not seriously consider. The offer felt like he was throwing me a lifeline. I looked at it from every possible angle, I sought out many, many opinions from anyone and everyone I could think of that could possibly find the negative aspects of the offer, no one could really find any. Then I took it my parents because just like when I was a kid, their opinion and support mean everything to me. Without hesitation they gave me their blessing and encouragement. This opportunity gives me the chance to try something new, explore a part of the province I have never seen while still keeping my connection to the West Coast I know and love. They said I would be crazy not to leap at this chance. And so, I did. 

Dove right in, head first.

I keep waiting for the panic so set in. What have I done? What have I committed to? What the hell do I know about construction? Who moves to a town they have never been too? Who commits to renting a house they have never laid eyes on?

Apparently, I do.

There is no panic yet, only excitement about what’s to come (and mild to severe anxiety about getting my house packed up in time). 

I have never lived alone. I went from my parents’ home to living with a roommate, then with a boyfriend, then married with children. I have always had someone to take care of, cook for and clean up after. I am almost giddy at the idea of living alone!!

I have no idea what the journey ahead has in store for me, but I do plan on working hard to make the best of it and take advantage of this once in a lifetime opportunity. I plan to explore my home away from home and the surrounding area, enjoy all that the Cariboo has to offer and maybe even find a way to embrace winter, after all, it’s a dry cold, right?   Maybe I will even find some people to start up Sunday dinners with.

I cannot thank my people enough for all the love, support and encouragement as I prepare for this move. I love you to the moon and back with all my heart.

Seanna

xoxo