Today is my last day working for the Province of BC. My last
day of sick days, extended health and dental benefits, my growing pension and
more importantly, my last day working with some of the most amazing people that
the BC Public Service has to offer.
I am sure to many this shift from the secure and safe government
job to being self employed as a contractor, hoping that one contract leads to
another is pure insanity. I am downsizing pretty much everything I own in order to simplify my life and temporarily locating myself in a town I
have never set foot in.
I am leaving my kids, my family, my amazing tribe of friends
and going to work in a place where I don’t know a single person. Someone I admire very much told me that would be just fine and that I could "make friends with a lamp post". Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
This is by far the riskiest thing I have ever done. I am
absolutely a “risk averse” person. I follow the well beaten path, I don’t even jaywalk,
I don’t break the rules or the laws. I try to always do what is expected of me
(or what my mind tells me is expected of me) and I ALWAYS make sure that I don’t
make a move without first assessing what the impact of my decision on my people
will be. I love my people fiercely, and when I think about how much I will miss
everyone it physically takes my breath away.
BUT
For years there has been this feeling in the pit of my
stomach that I can’t shake. This pull to make a change, a drastic change. Every
time I drive through a small town, I wonder what it would be like to live
there. What would it be like to pack up and start over fresh somewhere new, reinvent
myself? As time goes on the feeling gets stronger and stronger. I have watched
job postings for the right opportunity, I have been waiting for the right time.
This past fall someone joked about me being a professional
sister-wife, it came from a place of love, but it got me thinking about my role
in their stories and how it is time that I go off and create my own story. I
have the most amazing tribe of friends, I know everyone says that but truly, my
people are the very best of the best. Their homes feel like my home, I love
their children as much as I love my own and their partners always make me feel
welcome in their lives. These relationships will transcend any distance and no
matter how much time we spend apart, we will always pick up right where we left
off.
My kids are grown, they are thriving in their own lives and they are incredibly self-sufficient, they are ready for me to cut the cord and let them start to carve out their own paths. I cannot even begin to express how proud I am of all my kids. They make the world a better place, simply by existing.
In late November an offer came in from a friend that was too
good to not seriously consider. The offer felt like he was throwing me a lifeline. I looked at it from every possible angle, I sought out many, many opinions
from anyone and everyone I could think of that could possibly find the negative
aspects of the offer, no one could really find any. Then I took it my parents
because just like when I was a kid, their opinion and support mean everything
to me. Without hesitation they gave me their blessing and encouragement. This opportunity gives me the chance to try something new, explore a part of the province I have never seen while still keeping my connection to the West Coast I know and love. They
said I would be crazy not to leap at this chance. And so, I did.
Dove right in,
head first.
I keep waiting for the panic so set in. What have I done?
What have I committed to? What the hell do I know about construction? Who moves
to a town they have never been too? Who commits to renting a house they have
never laid eyes on?
Apparently, I do.
There is no panic yet, only excitement
about what’s to come (and mild to severe anxiety about getting my house packed up
in time).
I have never lived alone. I went from my parents’ home to
living with a roommate, then with a boyfriend, then married with children. I
have always had someone to take care of, cook for and clean up after. I am almost
giddy at the idea of living alone!!
I have no idea what the journey ahead has in store for me,
but I do plan on working hard to make the best of it and take advantage of this
once in a lifetime opportunity. I plan to explore my home away from home and the
surrounding area, enjoy all that the Cariboo has to offer and maybe even find a
way to embrace winter, after all, it’s a dry cold, right? Maybe I will even find some people to start up Sunday dinners with.
I cannot thank my people enough for all the love, support and encouragement as I prepare for this move. I love you to the moon and back with all my heart.
Seanna
xoxo
