Enough.

 "I wish you could see yourself through my eyes."

It is something I say often to the people I love, and it is so true. If only we could all take a step back and see ourselves the way the people who love us do.

Being truly seen through the eyes of someone who loves you is a gift. It is rare and it should not be taken for granted or dismissed. Don’t shrug it off or laugh it away. Don’t look away to avoid the eye contact and the vulnerability. Sit with it. Open yourself up to it. I promise you will learn to settle into it. And if you let it, it just might change everything.

When someone tells you that you are enough. Believe them. 

You won’t be for everyone; you likely won’t be for a lot of people and that’s ok. I guarantee, most people aren’t for you either. But be open to finding your people. The ones who will build you up, who will see who you truly are, flaws and all. Find the ones who will celebrate your wins with you and who will hold space with you when you lose. These connections don’t have to be romantic. The type of connection isn’t what matters. These connections, this kind of love, they are the only thing that matters.

Find the ones who listen as much as they talk. The ones where silence isn’t awkward. The ones where an exchanged look speaks to an understanding without a single word.

Although some people may not be in your life forever – the connection will. It will hurt at times, sometimes so much that you will lose sight of all the beauty. There will be a panicked feeling to grab onto it tighter, to stop it from slipping through your fingers. Take a breath. Let go. Keep all the joy that it brought you and let it carry you through. You are ok.

To all the beautiful humans who are my people, I am better because you love me. I am forever grateful.

xo

Seanna

Open to Letter to the man who referred to me as a "Big Girl"

Open to Letter to the man who referred to myself and my friends as “Big Girls” and “Tonnage” ,

I know you didn’t mean anything by it. 

I know you think it was harmless as no one but myself and your friends heard you say it. 

I know you thought I was a “safe” person to be shitty around. How wrong you were.

I know you think the guys you said it to thought it was funny. 

I know you weren’t being intentionally being cruel. 

I know your own insecurities and inadequacies rule most of your decisions. 

Here is what else I know:

Those words hurt. Those words do damage. Long term damage. They confirm what the voices in my head tell me every day. 

24 hours later after hearing you say those things I felt shame. I felt judged. I felt that I mattered less than someone who wasn’t a “big girl”. 

Those words became the loudest thoughts in my head for the better part of a week. I know that I am more than the size of my jeans. I know I have more to offer. I know I have value. But people like you and comments like that make me feel like I don’t matter. Like I am invisible yet literally the elephant in the room all at the same time. I know that I am not supposed to give comments like yours power over me, and I know that your words don’t define me but I am not a perfect person, not by a long shot. 

 I will ask you this - What if, god forbid, your daughter grows up to be a “Big Girl”? Will you refer to her in the same manner? Would you ever want her to feel the deep cut of those words? 

Do better. Be better. Be the person your daughter thinks you are. 

Treat the people around the way you hope people will treat your sweet little girl when she grows up and is out in the world without your protective wing around her.

Sincerely, 

A Big Girl

This is not a plea for a sympathy or a "poor me" moment. For days I let this asshole and his remarks affect me. For days I went to the dark place. Now stepping back, I realize small minded comments like this say so much more about him than they do about me.  My hope in sharing this is that just maybe it will stop someone else from saying something similar. Perhaps we need to go back to the basics of what we learned in preschool - "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".  

I may be a "big girl" but I will happily take that title over "small minded ass-hat" all day long.

xo

Seanna