Single But Not Alone

In the spring of this year I became single – again. 

At the time I would have said that I didn’t even see it coming but the truth is, I had been ignoring the signs and working really hard to not see it. There is a long complicated list of reasons why the relationship failed but in reality it isn’t all that complicated at all, we wanted different things for our futures. At the time I was pretty sure I was going to die, I mean shouldn’t being in that kind of pain kill you? One minute you are happily (or at least pretending to be happy) and blindly skipping down the path that is your life and then all of a sudden that path has a dead end and you are forced to rethink everything. I wasn’t sure how I was going to move forward, I couldn’t wrap my head around my life without that person in it. I didn’t sleep much for a few weeks, I had forgotten how to sleep alone, I moved my bed in an attempt to give the room a fresh look. Now I was all out of whack and slept even less. It was all very dramatic and I felt a bit like a 16 year old girl with her first broken heart – I wanted to stay in bed all day and cry. I felt very alone. 

Well it turns out I didn’t die.

My kids gave me plenty of reasons to get out of bed and put on my big girl panties. They still needed rides to the barn and to school, there were dinners to make and movies to see. Life didn’t stop, in fact it was quite the opposite, my life was barreling ahead. My parents were there for me as they always are, like a warm security blanket. They are still the first place I turn when I get hurt and they are always waiting with open arms. My brother and sister would check on me via text messages and phone calls, offering kind words and reminding me that I am loved and never judging me. 

And then there were my friends........ 

I have the MOST incredible group of friends in my life, some I talk to on a daily basis and some only every once in awhile but all of them have become a part of who I am. Some have been part of my life for 20+ years and others more recent but just as important. I have friends I could call to help me hide a body if I needed to, no questions asked. They would simply say “I am on my way”. All of them inspire me to be a better person. 

There are still times when being single sucks. “What’s for dinner?” has become a question I dread – I would love for someone else to be responsible for answering that one. When we run out of cat food or toilet paper I am the one who has to get off the couch to go to the store. When the cat pukes on the floor – I have to clean it up.

 

I am at peace with being single for now. I cherish my alone time when the kids are out of the house and it’s just me and the cats (some might call them the “crazy cat lady” starter kit). There is always someone to talk to, or see a movie with, walk with and even a few friends who will drop everything to come right over for a hug and if I’m feeling extra needy there are a really special few who will pack up their two little dogs and come spend the night.

I may be single but I am anything but alone. To each and every one of you who have touched my life and made it better – thank you.