They Say It Takes a Village......

Some might say my family is complicated.

I have 2 kids I gave birth to while I was married, and when they were younger my husband and I separated.  5 years ago I met a man and fell head over heels in love, so did my kids.  He brought 2 amazing kids to the mix and we became a family of 6. (Hey I made a little rhyme there!) I fell in love them, totally, completely and unconditionally, just as I love my own children.  Fast forward to this spring, my relationship ended for a variety of reasons, the bottom line being we wanted very different things and we parted ways.  Initially my concern was, what would happen to my relationship with these children I had fallen in love with? What would happen to my children who loved him and who see his kids as their brother and sister?  I am a worrier, I worry about things that are beyond my control and this was WAY beyond my control.  Could I still be in their lives without being in his, could I handle him being a part of my kid’s lives without being a part of mine?  There were many sleepless nights and the grief I felt was overwhelming.

My ex-husband is dating a lovely woman who also has a daughter, and my kids love them both.  This woman treats my kids with kindness, love and respect at all times and they adore her, she has gone above and beyond, taking them to the lake on weekends their dad is out of town and has included them in her family gatherings.  When Ashley needed some help with some “delicate” shopping, she was right there to take her and even spent money from her own pocket to make sure my daughter had what she needed.  I cannot even begin to tell you what a comfort it is to know that even when they are away from me they still have a soft place to fall if they need it.

In June, my lovely step-daughter (I struggle to come up for a better term) graduated from high school and I was not only included in the festivities but was lucky enough to be a part of her getting ready for prom, hair and make-up, the dress, and then given one of the few tickets given to the family for the ceremony at UVIC.  I went with her dad and her brother and proudly sat alongside her mom, step dad, aunts and grandparents.  After the ceremony and pictures, we all headed back to their home for a party. 

Now here it gets even more complicated – Emily’s lives with her brother, her mom, her step dad and his daughter (also a Belmont grad), and as the two girls were opening their grad gifts I looked around the room at the guests – the graduates, Emily and Rustin; Emily’s mom, and brother; Rustin’s dad; Rustin’s mom and her partner; grandparents, aunts, cousins and close family friends; myself and my children. All in one room together because we all love these girls and wanted to share in their success. There was no tension, no drama or hard feelings.  The room was full of love and joy.  Not for one second did I feel like an outsider, in fact quite the opposite, I felt like part of the family, and my kids felt like part of the family.  At the end of the night as we said our goodbyes it was very clear to me why Erik and Emily are as amazing as they are, they have been raised by amazing people.

My parents and brother and sister have always welcomed Erik and Emily into our family and have treated them as their own.  They have grown to love them just as much as I do – it’s impossible not to.

So instead of hostility, resentment, anger and jealousy we have surrounded all of these kids in love and support.  Turns out I did a whole lot of worrying for nothing.

I still grieve the loss of my relationship and probably will for awhile but I will never regret it – it brought me Emily and Erik, and I will forever be grateful.