It has been almost two months since I wrote my 'confessional' Coming out of Hiding blog. I don’t know what my intention was at the time, I just knew I wanted to get out what I was thinking and feeling and I felt that if I published it to my friends and family then I would be more inclined to follow through. I sort of expected that a few people close to me would read it, my parents, really close friends and maybe a handful of people looking to avoid working or those of you who had some time to kill while you were sitting in the doctor’s office.
Never in my wildest dreams did I anticipate the response I got.
It was overwhelming and inspiring. People I hadn’t heard from in years (like since elementary school and junior high) were leaving comments and sending messages of support, friends and family were cheering me on and calling me brave. But the most surprising response was all the private messages from people, men and women, who felt the same way I did. Some had been where was in the past, and some were there right now. People were thanking me for saying out loud the things that they were afraid to say. People who thought they were alone, like I thought I was alone. It was the most incredible thing and it gave me the most incredible momentum and the push I desperately needed.
Since then the fog has lifted, that’s not to say I don’t have bad days because I do, there is no easy fix but my will to keep moving forward and turn things around is back and has never been stronger. I have found joy in my life again, I am allowing myself to have fun and enjoy all the amazing people and experiences in my life. I am excited to see what life has in store for me and where I will end up. I am working hard on getting myself back into shape, I am spending time doing some “self reflection” in the hopes that I can figure out how I let myself get into such a bad place to begin with and avoid winding up there again.
I have spent the summer focusing on myself and spending true quality time with my children and my family. I have discovered that I love writing, I find it very therapeutic. I have started working as a doula again and I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of the niece of one my oldest and dearest friends. I am very much looking forward to being a part of that experience again. The kids are back to school on Tuesday, each starting a new, exciting (and slightly terrifying) chapter in their lives – Noah is off to middle school, Ashley is off to high school and Emily is off to college! Fall is around the corner and it is my favourite season and it feels like there is so much to look forward to over the next few weeks.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and every one of you who took the time to read my ramblings and for all the wonderful words of love and support that came back to me.
Thank you to each of you who were brave enough to share your stories with me, I am honoured.
Lots of love,
Seanna
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Where has the time gone?
I am heading into the last year of my 30’s this week........I am not even sure how that happened, I swear it was not that long ago that I was in my early 20’s. I don’t really remember where I thought I would be at this point in my life but I am certain it wasn’t here. These last 20 years of my life have been interesting and educational to say the least.
Major life events have taken place. I have been married and divorced; I gave birth to two incredible children. I have met the most amazing people – some have come and gone and some are here to stay. I have experienced the pain of losing loved ones. I fell in love in a way I didn’t know I was capable of, and in turn I had my heart broken in a way that I was sure would kill me. I started my career with the BC Public Service, and I started my business as a doula. At times it has felt there have been more downs than ups but as I look back now, I see how wrong I was.
There has been so much more joy than pain. I have laughed more than I cried and I have loved and been loved more than I have hurt or have been hurt. I still have no idea where I am going but I know for certain that I want to leave my 30’s, healthy, happy and with no regrets. I want to go into my 40’s excited about what lie ahead. It is time to make some changes, get healthy physically and emotionally. There are definitely some self destructive patterns when I look back over the years and I would really like to not keep repeating those patterns through my 40’s.
It’s time to stop talking about getting this weight off and actually start doing something about it. Turns out wishing really hard that I will wake up and fit into my skinny jeans doesn’t work. It also turns out that talking about, thinking about it and intending to do it doesn’t work either. The only way to actually get the weight off and get back into shape is to control what goes into my mouth and to get off my ass and exercise. Apparently all those people on Facebook who post all their gym workouts and 30km runs and look amazing are onto something – who knew;-)
I also have a thing for emotionally unavailable and broken men – I mean the more unavailable they are, the hotter I seem to find them. I guess like attracts like – if I am broken and unavailable then that’s exactly what I am going to get back. Time to stop trying to fix them and focus on fixing me. This does not mean that these were bad guys, in fact quite the opposite. I have been fortunate to have met some truly amazing men in my life, most of who are still in my life and always will be as close friends, it just means that they weren’t the ones for me.
It’s time to purge my home and get rid of all the crap I have been hoarding for the past 20 years, I am not sure what I am holding onto it for but it must be time to let it go. I look around my house sometimes and it’s like someone took how I feel inside and manifested it into the state of my house! I can talk and talk about making all these changes but enough is enough.
Everything can change in an instant, the only moment we have for sure is this moment. RIGHT NOW. I want to make the most out of these moments and truly enjoy my life and all the blessings in it. I am looking forward to 39 and will embrace 40 with open arms, taking some of the harder lessons learned in my 20’s and 30’s and better choices in my 40’s.
Major life events have taken place. I have been married and divorced; I gave birth to two incredible children. I have met the most amazing people – some have come and gone and some are here to stay. I have experienced the pain of losing loved ones. I fell in love in a way I didn’t know I was capable of, and in turn I had my heart broken in a way that I was sure would kill me. I started my career with the BC Public Service, and I started my business as a doula. At times it has felt there have been more downs than ups but as I look back now, I see how wrong I was.
There has been so much more joy than pain. I have laughed more than I cried and I have loved and been loved more than I have hurt or have been hurt. I still have no idea where I am going but I know for certain that I want to leave my 30’s, healthy, happy and with no regrets. I want to go into my 40’s excited about what lie ahead. It is time to make some changes, get healthy physically and emotionally. There are definitely some self destructive patterns when I look back over the years and I would really like to not keep repeating those patterns through my 40’s.
It’s time to stop talking about getting this weight off and actually start doing something about it. Turns out wishing really hard that I will wake up and fit into my skinny jeans doesn’t work. It also turns out that talking about, thinking about it and intending to do it doesn’t work either. The only way to actually get the weight off and get back into shape is to control what goes into my mouth and to get off my ass and exercise. Apparently all those people on Facebook who post all their gym workouts and 30km runs and look amazing are onto something – who knew;-)
I also have a thing for emotionally unavailable and broken men – I mean the more unavailable they are, the hotter I seem to find them. I guess like attracts like – if I am broken and unavailable then that’s exactly what I am going to get back. Time to stop trying to fix them and focus on fixing me. This does not mean that these were bad guys, in fact quite the opposite. I have been fortunate to have met some truly amazing men in my life, most of who are still in my life and always will be as close friends, it just means that they weren’t the ones for me.
It’s time to purge my home and get rid of all the crap I have been hoarding for the past 20 years, I am not sure what I am holding onto it for but it must be time to let it go. I look around my house sometimes and it’s like someone took how I feel inside and manifested it into the state of my house! I can talk and talk about making all these changes but enough is enough.
Everything can change in an instant, the only moment we have for sure is this moment. RIGHT NOW. I want to make the most out of these moments and truly enjoy my life and all the blessings in it. I am looking forward to 39 and will embrace 40 with open arms, taking some of the harder lessons learned in my 20’s and 30’s and better choices in my 40’s.
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