It has been almost two months since I wrote my 'confessional' Coming out of Hiding blog. I don’t know what my intention was at the time, I just knew I wanted to get out what I was thinking and feeling and I felt that if I published it to my friends and family then I would be more inclined to follow through. I sort of expected that a few people close to me would read it, my parents, really close friends and maybe a handful of people looking to avoid working or those of you who had some time to kill while you were sitting in the doctor’s office.
Never in my wildest dreams did I anticipate the response I got.
It was overwhelming and inspiring. People I hadn’t heard from in years (like since elementary school and junior high) were leaving comments and sending messages of support, friends and family were cheering me on and calling me brave. But the most surprising response was all the private messages from people, men and women, who felt the same way I did. Some had been where was in the past, and some were there right now. People were thanking me for saying out loud the things that they were afraid to say. People who thought they were alone, like I thought I was alone. It was the most incredible thing and it gave me the most incredible momentum and the push I desperately needed.
Since then the fog has lifted, that’s not to say I don’t have bad days because I do, there is no easy fix but my will to keep moving forward and turn things around is back and has never been stronger. I have found joy in my life again, I am allowing myself to have fun and enjoy all the amazing people and experiences in my life. I am excited to see what life has in store for me and where I will end up. I am working hard on getting myself back into shape, I am spending time doing some “self reflection” in the hopes that I can figure out how I let myself get into such a bad place to begin with and avoid winding up there again.
I have spent the summer focusing on myself and spending true quality time with my children and my family. I have discovered that I love writing, I find it very therapeutic. I have started working as a doula again and I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of the niece of one my oldest and dearest friends. I am very much looking forward to being a part of that experience again. The kids are back to school on Tuesday, each starting a new, exciting (and slightly terrifying) chapter in their lives – Noah is off to middle school, Ashley is off to high school and Emily is off to college! Fall is around the corner and it is my favourite season and it feels like there is so much to look forward to over the next few weeks.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and every one of you who took the time to read my ramblings and for all the wonderful words of love and support that came back to me.
Thank you to each of you who were brave enough to share your stories with me, I am honoured.
Lots of love,
Seanna
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